justprompts - I Hate This Part Right Here

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:38:44 GMT

(I am also taking the stance that this didn't happen, but she wanted to react. Obviously, major spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk.)

I’m scared of death//And I’m scared of living//I gave up on the past cause it’s unforgiving//I misplaced my trust//I watched my word begin to rust//I’m a balloon about to bust I need a place for reliving.//Still... ~Blue October

A young brunette woman stepped out of the apartment building and looked around - helpless, hopeless. Tears were starting to fall to her cheeks, but she wasn't yet breaking. To passerbys - if anyone had taken the time to notice - she looked lost. Pale and confused.

A hand moved to her forehead and she stepped away from the building. It was only a few steps before she took a shaky seat on a set of stairs. Her head slowly fell into her waiting hands and she cried. The world was too busy swarming around her for anyone to notice the woman on the step - falling apart. Not a soul stopped to see if she was okay.

Remy Hadley wasn't okay. She didn't know how to be okay. And the one person that she thought might be able to help her make some sense of it all had just shut her out. Emotionally and physically. She wasn't so sure she could deal with it alone. She didn't want to. Which was a vast difference than who she had been before. Before when it was better to ignore the pain. Substitute any kind of artificial enjoyment that she could find.

Then she began working for House and she met a good friend. A friend that didn't necessarily make her talk, but was always there for her. They had been through it all together. He got it. And maybe she didn't show it enough, but she was grateful to have him. She had found herself a family, even though she wouldn't admit it. No, she never could admit relying on others. But there was a family there. And he was the brother that always made you roll your eyes, but usually with a smile. And he was always there, but you never considered that you were taking that for granted, because you loved that he was always there. Maybe he thought you took him for granted. Maybe at times you did.

Though at the same time, he wasn't a brother. He was a fun guy to be around. Truth be told, if she hadn't cared about him as much as she did, if she hadn't respected him so much and worked with him every day - she might have grabbed him up to assist her destructive ways. But she couldn't do that. Not to him.

And there were the questions. Why had he felt there was no other way? Why hadn't he come to her? Called her? Was she that out of touch with him? Was she deluding herself into thinking they were such good friends, when really...she wasn't there for him?

She pulled her head up, wiping her face, and looked around the busy street. She understood the thoughts. The constant thoughts of death and losing the pain. Wanting peace. She knew that. Her death was unavoidable. Not so far down the winding hallway of life. That didn't mean she didn't know what it was like to stand in front of the door. By choice - by assumed choice. She had only thought that she wanted to die, and that in itself hurt like hell. Maybe it didn't hurt him. Maybe that was the difference between them. The difference between wanting to live and being ready to give in. Remy could only wish he had felt pain, even in the slightest, because then maybe he would have reached out.

She knew that she was getting closer to her door, and she had finally begun to learn how to embrace life the right way. If only she could have shown that to her friend. If she had known he needed it, they could have worked on it together.

Remy glanced over at Eric's apartment building where he had just closed his door in her face. Maybe she hadn't gone to be there for him, maybe she had needed him there for her. But she wasn't going to get that. Maybe it was better that she was alone, though. Easier for self-hate and regrets when there's no one there to tell you otherwise.

She got up and took a breath, before starting her way back to the hospital. The thoughts kept assaulting her, but she tried to push them off. She needed to get herself straightened out so she could work. With her arms crossed tightly over her chest, and her head down, she walked. And she hoped, more than anything, that Lawrence Kutner was finally at peace. She didn't try to hope it for herself, because she knew that she would always have that gaping hole in her heart. One solely for him.

772

just_sayit

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 02:07:42 GMT

Just one of those days...or something.

I know all your favorite spots and tonight we will connect the dots: rp for howigothired

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 02:20:09 GMT

She shut down her laptop and set it aside from the bed. As she waited for him to come in the room, she shed her shirt and pants and leaned back on the bed, waiting with a small smile.